Studying life vs Working life.


                           Hello. I sure am very bored for now because I have time to write a post on a blog. Interesting. I just wanted to say that I miss my studying life. About a month ago, I graduated from Foundation of Tesl in UiTM which gave me a great journey. I miss the environment, the people and everything about it. When I was studying, there is not much room for me to feel bored. I like being busy and still happy about it. Of course, assignments are veeeeery stressful. However, I had fun doing it.

                       I love how I always wake up in the morning and get ready to go to the class. Being busy. Meeting friends and lecturers. Damn, those are sure fun days. We get to talk and socialize. Learning is just my passion I guess. I just like sitting in a class and listening to my lecturers. They are very awesome. I never regret going there. Studying life doesn't really stress you with anything. Some are just temporarily.

                       I choose to be in an education programme which I have never even imagine myself being an educator. Seriously. I have seen myself as an artist like real artist not celebrity one. I have seen myself as a chef, maybe as people who work in human resources. Poof. I got into education programme. I didn't regret it and I take that as a challenge. I admit, the thing we learn there are just fun, awesome and the lecturers did a very tremendous job in brainwashing us to be a better thinker or so called 'the critical thinker'. Our mind are like sponge, we have to soak everything it takes to be an educator. I can say we learn pretty much the theory. Yes, we do presentation but to our friends and lecturers. Not to a real students. So....I never really know how it feels like.

                       Untill....I finished my Tesl programme and my mum forced me to work. At that time, I wasn't thinking of anything and just go to any store that would want me. I could say that day I was lucky to find a vacancy as a teacher in a kindergarten. An expensive one. Where rich people send their kids to learn. At that time, I think.. hmm okay. I go to the interview and the next day, I got the job.

                    You know what? I wasn't even hoping for the job. I have never ever like kids in my whole life. I don't even know how to deal with it. I don't have any little sister or brother. Well, I do but I don't live with them and I hardly remember their face. Meh, family things. So...I don't know what to imagine unless just prepare for the worst. All I know, kids are sometimes like monsters. It is not that I hate them, I am just not a fond of it. People think I am weird, u know. Kids are cute and stuff but I don't...think so?. The first day of my work, damn exhausting.

                      I realised.. they are monsters. I got to teach 3 years old kids. 3 YEARS OLD. They are like really tiny and hardly speak a full sentence. Most of them are chinese, so they speak mandarin which I can't understand. I blame myself for not learning other language. Everyday we get back home at 5.30, well depends. If 'some' parents came late to pick up their child, we have to wait. Ah, humans and responsibility are so...interesting.

                         The work sure gave me a lot of experience and I sure am learn a lot of new things. That point,  I know. It is really hard being an educator. I should not talk when my lecturers or teachers are teaching. I should do my work when they give me. Now, I know how it feels. Fuh. Being an educator, I just think my work never finish. When we get back home, we still have to think what to do for tomorrow and so on. Our homework is like.....endless. Plus, I have to think of game and interesting learning style and stuff. Dealing with the naughty things and getting angry every single day. Kids are not stupid. They sure will climb your head if you are too nice. Teachers should be fierce. Plus, 3 years old, I have to take care almost everything. When they go to the toilet, when they sneeze, when they fight, make sure they have no bruise because the parents will kill us, make sure to make them drink water, make sure I know every single water bottle and bags.

                        No matter how, this job has gave me something. well, a lot of things. I became to notice every detail. I have to. I learn how to be very professional not to mix your job with your house problems. Most of them are about teaching, of course. Great experience and great environment.

However, I still miss my studying life because my mum never babbling at me. Haha.

What matters.


                    Seems like I am back again with blog. I don't know. I just think I need to express something. It has been a long time I had left the world of expressing my words. Too bad. I almost lost my ability to write again. I began to not know how to express my feelings and emotions through words anymore. I hate it. This is the only way that I've always done before to make me feel sane for some times. However, I almost can't control my feelings and anger anymore. I don't know what to do. I don't even know what I actually did. I learn a lot of things growing up now. I learn to express with voice more. Being outspoken just let me be who I want and say anything that is still rational to me.

                  No matter how outspoken I have being. I still have someone deep inside me who doesn't want to tell her story to anyone. No one knows who I am deep down. I still have myself that won't go out and be free with people. I have myself who always keep to herself. It hurts. It hurts wearing a mask every single day. My muscle hurts from the fake smiling to everyone. I put up with every single shit that happened to me with a smile and laugh. People think I am happy. Am I?. I don't understand. Isn't that they said people who smile and laugh more actually have something deep down them?.

                   SOME people think I am too carefree that I looks like I don't even care about my whole life. Who said so? Who are you to judge me?. Do you know what is in mind?. No. I cared about everything. Even the tiny little detail in my life and to the whole far future ahead. A lot of things matter to me. The experience that I had for a little while being away from my hometown is a blast. I learned about almost everything. Not all people sucks like you. Seriously. I learned that money does matters in life but it is not everything. Every single aspect in life needs to be connected in order for you to live your life to the fullest.

                   I learnt how relationship matters in life. You need friends, family and everyone around you. You need them. You need life. I need life. I hate how people can be so obsessed with money that they would do everything for it. Please. Don't be a slave money. Let it come to you with your achievement in life. People are fake with money. When they have enormous amount of them, they brag and step on people's life as if they own them. God owns us. Your money can't send me to heaven. Your money can't tell me what to do. I am so mad. I really do. I have my reasons of writing this but I would never tell why. Got the hint, huh?. Great.

                      Hey listen. I know I am small now. I don't have money like you do. But you know what? I have everything that you don't have. Look at me. Brag to me. Step my head now. One day, I will prove you are WRONG. That day will come without you even notice it. Go ahead. We will never know anyone's future. Mine might be better than yours. Far better than yours. We will see.